planetdan

Monday, August 09, 2004 :::

Danny, Age 4 : Hotdog Fan

I found this tucked into a file cabinet at my mama's:

Seemingly, little has changed. I remember the day my sister made me sit between a floor lamp and the wall so that she could trace my silhouette. The sad thing is that even at age four, and not sitting too far from the wall, my gargantuan head silhouette is too big to fit on a modern day scanning bed. In fact, I had to piece together four separate scans just to get the whole complete picture. That's how big it is.

My XL head has always been a source of stress. I can't really buy hats. None fit, and when I do actually manage to squeeze one on, it is always stretched to the limit of its mockingly cruel "one-size-fits-all" craftsmanship. Before high school graduation we got fitted for the gowns, and while they measured my head I got nervous, so as a pre-emptive measure to avoid embarrassment, I stammered, "I know, I know, I need a large cap." But that backfired because the head-measuring volunteer (stupid Jon Sprague) announced loud enough for the whole senior class to hear: "Um, make that EXTRA-large." Yeah, I walked into it, but who would've thought that they would put children through the mortifying situation of having to order an extra-large ANYTHING. I just naturally assumed that they would not even offer sizes above Large. And just to push the dagger in a little bit deeper, come graduation day the XL cap barely even fit. Me and my stupid big head.

::: posted by dan at 10:13 PM :: [ link ] :: (8) comments

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8 previous comments:

At least you had the luxury of getting to choose a size of comfort for you...and your head.My first day working at Mr.movies the devilish manager Gary.Threw me a medium green uniform shirt.I reluctantly put it on, mortified to ask for a different...big one.After two or so hours of lack of oxygen and my arms turning blue from the loss of circulation I lost the little bit of dignity I had and sheepishly asked..."do you have any bigger shirts." He replied "that one is the biggest I have.On a different note my first day I was accused of throwing movies behind non matching movie cases creating confused chaos to the customers.Gary was also deeply offended I didin't know his last name.He was training me on the computer and told me to type in a last name.I did and he asked."do you know who that is" I stammered no.(I don't do well in pressure situations)And he proceeded to tell my that "this is my playpen" "and these are my toys" "you need to know that if you are going to work here." hahaha where is your playpen now jerk!I wonder if it is behind the counter at blockbuster,wearing a tiny tee.

By

Stacy, at 11:05 PM

I wanted to add that your palette did mature.I thought your adult influenced favorite is polish sausage and mashed potatoes.

By

Stacy, at 11:39 PM

No, I'd actually still prefer a hotdog to a polish sausage. In fact, the taste of sausages usually makes me gag, but anything with mustard on it is a-ok in my book.

I don't think my eyes are hazel, though.

And my sister was horrible at spelling.

By

dan, at 10:59 AM

{{{Sigh}}} I never grew out of teh horrible splling phase.But I think my penmanship is a little better.

By

Colleen, at 11:15 AM

I suffer from head size shame too Dan, however, mine is of the puny variety. Yes, my shrunkin head sits upon my broad shoulders and hats to me are never an option either. Although I am not fan of girls in hats, there just doesn't ever seem to be a good reason for a girl to where a hat to a bar, it's just one accessory too many if you ask me, however, I would like to have the option some day without looking like Mushmouth. I'm just saying. OH, and I remember clearly that my graduation cap was a meeeedium.

By

Kristina, at 12:19 PM

You are right. nothing much has changed. Except I don't often hear you asking for hot dogs anymore.

By

Trekgeekscott, at 12:23 PM

I don't need to ask for hotdogs anymore cuz I got 'em stockpiled in the freezer.

By

dan, at 3:19 PM

Really? You're head is that big? Hmm....It's o.k. You’re still in my museum of Idols. Question...is your sister still somewhat dim when it comes to spelling?

By

Anonymous, at 9:22 PM

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