planetdan

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 :::

Steverino

The guy in front of me at the supermarket checkout today first got my attention because he was wearing a nametag that said Steverino. It didn't have a place of employment on it or anything like that, it just had the name. He was wearing a football jersey and sweats, so he looked normal enough for that part of town, except that he was buying a LOT of fresh fish fillets. Like $80 worth. The checkout guy said something to the effect of "Man, I think you probably cleaned us out of fish!" and Steverino simply replied, "Yeah, I got paid last Friday." Then he lifted his jersey collar over his mouth, and blew his nose on the inside of it. It wasn't just a quick dab at a running nose either, it was a long, heavy, wet-sounding full-on phlegm evacuation, after which he caught me staring at him. I thought he was going to act all embarrassed and try to recover from doing such a disgusting thing in public, but nope. Instead he asked me for a quarter. I didn't have one.

I don't know if this story has a moral, but it was gross because I happened to be buying a birthday cake with bavarian custard dribbled all over the top of it. Steverino totally ruined my appetite.

::: posted by dan at 11:54 PM :: [ link ] :: (13) comments

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13 previous comments:

My best guess would be that the group home gave him a pass for the day. And I'm being completely serious (if not totally insensitive.) The jobless name tag was a huge clue.

By

elcynic, at 1:57 AM

Maybe the elevated level of mecury is effecting his behavior.

By

Stacy, at 8:16 AM

I had considered the group home idea, but they guy was pretty normal, other than the nose blowing, and he was buying $80 worth of fish. And he wrote out a check without any difficulty. Plus I saw him pack up his car and drive away. Maybe he WORKED at a group home and just absorbed some of their bad habits over time.

By

dan, at 9:58 AM

I think Steverino hit on me at the bar a few weeks ago. At least I was still sober enough at the time to turn him down.

By

hot babe, at 6:45 PM

It was special person day for sure at area grocers. I was at Rainbow at the Quarry and I saw several individuals whom I assumed were missing some cups from their cupboards, but the one I took special notice of was a shopper in Napoleon Dynamite-esque boots, but his were far cooler b/c they had strategically placed duct tape in the same spot on both boots. Plus he had a little backpack.

Heidi from MN

By

Anonymous, at 8:38 AM

I'm not sure why I find this bit of information so critical, but why did he need a quarter?

By

Will, at 11:28 AM

Why not fifty cents, or a dollar? I bet he decided that a quarter would be the denomination that would most likely yield a payout from a stranger and anything less than a quarter wouldn’t be worth asking for. He’s saving for his vacation home in the Catskills. He’s brilliant!

By

Kristina, at 12:14 PM

He honestly said something about needing it for a parking meter. I'm assuming for somewhere else other than the Cub.

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dan, at 12:19 PM

Man, you have some grossly weird people where you live (must be a big city). We never get people that gross (small town). We have our regular loonies, like the local deaf-mute guy who once spent 20 minutes trying to gesture something to me, and I finally figured out he was trying to show me his new watch. But blowing your nose on your clothes? Ack! That's as bad as a little kid that just uses his lower lip to clean his upper one when he has a runny nose. Oh yeah, the funniest people we have here are the super fat ladies that ride the electric carts at Walmart. Too fat to walk. I have a hard time keeping a straight face when I see them. And they always park in the handicap zone.

By

Anonymous, at 6:14 PM

hahahahaha fat people and people with special needs.

I am just hormonal or are some of these comments really irritating.

By

Stacy, at 10:19 PM

Oh lighten up and get a Krispy Kreme calendar. I have no sympathy for people that eat themselves into knee replacements.

By

Anonymous, at 7:16 AM

I never said anything about having to have sympathy for them.I just think it is odd that you can't keep a straight face when those fat ladies park in the handicap spot with their scooters.Super funny stuff huh?
I don't get the krispy creme calendar snap either?Don't get so defensive geesh.

By

Stacy, at 11:33 AM

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