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Thursday, June 23, 2005 :::
| Pickup Lines: The First Drafts |
I love you, McSweeneys. I'm not familiar with the pick up line that the Tennessee one is referring to. Could someone please 'splain?
Pickup Lines: The First Drafts
BY MARK VANDERHOFF
Are your legs tired? Oh, well, I'm not surprised; your thighs are almost comically muscular.
You must wash your pants with Windex, because something really smells like Windex.
Your father must have been a thief. I don't know, you just have the look of someone who was raised by criminals.
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? That is to say, would you be offended by my comments, not would you physically hold your body against mine. Sorry for any confusion. Anyways, would you?
Do you have a little Italian in you? Really? Wait, what was your last name again? Oh, yeah, I guess that does sound Irish. Never mind.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I probably wouldn't. Can you imagine how much that would screw with everybody?
Are you from Tennessee? I hate people from Tennessee.
Excuse me; I seem to have misplaced my inmate number, which was assigned to me by this state's accursed penal system after it was discovered that I was indeed the "Fruit by the Foot Strangler." Can I borrow yours?
Can I borrow a quarter? I need to call my mother and tell her I've found the girl I'm going to annoy for the next 5-10 minutes.
::: posted by dan at 12:24 AM ::
[ link ] ::
(7) comments
  
7 previous comments:
"Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!"
By clara, at
4:05 AM
Honestly, these things should be the final drafts. They would probably work better than the "originals."
By Dennis!, at
9:32 AM
I'm sure I very nearly laughed at one of them.
No, sorry .. my mistake. At no point did I nearly laugh...
By Wayne Smallman, at
9:47 AM
That's funny that you didin't laugh Wayne because I was laughing super hard at every one the beautiful body one is my favorite.
By Stacy, at
2:28 PM
I hate people from Tennessee too.
By brent, at
12:16 AM
Wayne is hard to please. I'll work harder at it next time.
By dan, at
7:37 PM
Ok, I'm offended. I'm from Tennessee and I definitely like the original better.
Brent, I'm sure you would love me.
By , at
2:19 PM
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