planetdan

Wednesday, November 16, 2005 :::

The worst news story ever.

I've never read anything so horrible in my entire life.

Speaking of ants, I ate an entire bowlful once. For serious. It was a decade ago, and I was living in my parents house. I was eating my morning breakfast and with every single mouthful I would think to myself, "these peanut butter puffs taste funky," but I was too preoccupied with reading the newspaper to actually look down and investigate. Finally, after the final bite, my eyes glanced downward to see some foreign-looking floaters in my leftover milk. Then I looked over at the box of opened cereal, still on the kitchen table, and saw thousands of tiny grease ants swarming out of the box. I've honestly blacked-out the next few moments that would recall my subsequent reaction. I don't believe there was vomiting, but I do remember swallowing enough Listerine to consider a phone call to poison control. But now I can look back at that horrifying day and think: at least they didn't eat my eyeball.

::: posted by dan at 12:30 AM :: [ link ] :: (22) comments

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22 previous comments:

This was on the right side of the article as another headline.. Kinda makes you think twice about eating sushi off of some beautiful woman.. well, ok, maybe it doesn't..
Naked sushi
Nov. 15: A restaurant in Chicago serves sushi in an unusual way, using a nearly-naked woman lying on a table as a serving platter.

By

TracyD, at 7:43 AM

I wanted ants eating a human eye...

I got a naked sushi link that told me I needed to update my browser...

"...I'm going to remember that the next time Bush says, 'the terrorists hate our freedome...'"

--David Cross

By

Jay, at 8:04 AM

Been there - ate a bunch of cookies while watching tv in the dark, wondered why my mouth stung a bit.

Went into kitchen, saw ants everywhere. Almost puked.

By

Anonymous, at 8:32 AM

I hate you so very very much for posting that link.

By

The Bourbon Samurai, at 11:51 AM

Still not as bad as waking up one day, getting flesh eating bacteria and then not having an entire face like that dude on Ripley's Believe it or not. Still the worst. Always and forever.

By

brent, at 2:24 PM

I can realte - eate a bowl of lucky charms that was actually quite unlucky as it was filled with gnats. My aunt pulled out the big Costco-sized back of lucky charms and at the bottom was a next.

By

Robert, at 2:27 PM

Robert, have you been drinking?

By

Anonymous, at 2:49 PM

GAH!

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Elle Marie, at 3:32 PM

Ok this post has sunk to a new low. I honestly feel sick now almost with dry heaves...

Congratulations.

By

Anonymous, at 3:41 PM

No Dan...this is the most horrible ant story ever: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051115/od_nm/india_ants_dc;_ylt=AotN2zBMVV_c4Qa619Td2dMZ.3QA;_ylu=X3oDMTA4cmUwbnA1BHNlYwMxNzAy

By

Anonymous, at 3:42 PM

LOL Dan, that's nasty! I've had a similar experience though.. Spent a whole summer eating cornflakes from a box until I realized there were cockroaches in there.. EWW! I also ate a few ruined dates, that is, they have little yellow creatures in them. Double eww...

By

Roba, at 6:07 AM

I saw that article and was so grossed out I had to get away from my computer. And now you want me to revisit it? NOOO!!!!!

I once ate a bunch of boll weevils that had gotten into my pasta. Boiled the pasta, served it up with sauce, and wondered why all that large crushed black pepper was in there, considering I hadn't added any.

Damn, boiled weevils. I just chalked it up to added protein. Arg.

By

Karla, at 6:17 AM

These horrible cereal stories could all be avoided if everyone just switched to Liquid Cereal in single-serving, airtight cans. Ant-proof, gnat-proof, roach-proof, even weevil-proof!

By

stsundown, at 5:22 PM

That will haunt me in my dreams forever... Sweet monkeychrist.
And the eatting ants story made me gag, for serious.

By

Gwenhwyfar, at 11:19 AM

Worked at a theatre in my younger day... Rollo's with ants, Jr. Mints with gnats and a number of other odd bug infestments were not uncommon.

Plus, the "clean-up crew" would find left behind popcorn bags and "recycle" them. Because the bad had already been sold, they could pocket the money from the sale.

I won't even confirm the drink cup rumor.

By

Colleen, at 9:48 PM

Robin's Gross Story #1
(aka CRUNCHY REESES PEICES)
===========================

Story goes back to circa 1974 - I was probably wearing a purple and orange granny square vest sitting in the backseat of a Pinto. Anyway, Peanut Butter cups only came one way - no choice between smooth and crunchy and two to a bag... (you just know where this is going, don't you?)...

Mom chows down into her Peanut Butter cup and mentions how, yummy they were - about time they use 'crunchy' peanut butter. She proceeds to finish the first cup. Turning around and reaching over the seat (one could do that back then without those annoying seat belts - of course, my brother and I were likely kneeling or standing in the footwell ourselves) she offers up the second Peanut Butter Cup and splits it in half for us to share.

Picture this (let your mind zoom in for the screenshot)...

...cup breaks open and hundred of wriggling maggots spill out.

By

Anonymous, at 10:42 AM

Robin's Gross Story #2
(A LITTLE EXTRA PROTEIN WONT HARM YOU)
=======================================

Fast forward twenty years. I've just spent the majority of my life thus far growing up in orchard country. By matter of law, one must provide certificates of annual 'spraying' to the municipality else the city will come and cut your fruit trees down. This includes urban properties.

Okay, enough background. But keep this in mind; I need to justify my stupidity...

I am a visitor in a completely different part of the continent. My hostess has a fine looking cherry tree sitting in her yard and I decide to make her and family a pie.

This involves about two hours of picking the cherries and filling several ice cream buckets. Of course, scrunch, scrunch, scrunch, about every 5th cherry doesn't make it into the bucket. Scrunch, scrunch, scrunch.

Next involves pitting the cherries. Again, an hour of work. Again, scrunch, scrunch, scrunch as I eat while doing the job.

Home arrives my hostess whom shreaks, "What on earth am I doing?" (slow motion camera this time) "Noooooooooooooooooo !!!!! Those cherries are filled with worms!" (as explained above, the thought would never have occured to me).

Sure enough, I look down and proceed to pit and check the neck 20 cherries. EVERY ONE OF THEM had some larval, um,...er, 'thing' living inside! Uggggghhhh! I must have eaten atleast 2 lbs of cherries - I mean, I had to make several 'trips' to ensure I had room. Lets just say I spent all day making even more 'trips' after that!!!!

By

Anonymous, at 10:58 AM

I am regretting starting this thread. Me and my tummy do not like these stories.

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dan, at 12:31 PM

You had to know your fabulous fans would want to share their gross bug eating stories with you. We like to share.

By

Colleen, at 7:24 PM

When Dan posted stories about his fun parties where people take shots off of blocks of cheddar, I wanted to be his friend. But then his friends turned into psycho murderers and people who eat a lot of bugs. Now I am happy I only know Dan through the safety of the internets.

By

Anonymous, at 1:25 PM

What's more wrong, the story quote that says ants "were nibbling away at" her eye, or the later quote where the reporter states, matter-of-factly, that ants like to eat people with diabetes?

Ya'll are such good diet aids, though, really. I won't be eating Reese's Maggot Cups EVER again, thanks Robin!! {{wretching}}}

By

PeaceBang, at 9:29 PM

This made me want to vomit. I watched it right before bed and I'm surprised I didn't have really freaky nightmares:

Click if you dare

Accompanying articles:
at NIH
at Snopes

The video is real. I'm glad (a) I'm not a woman, and (b) that this is the only documented case in the literature.

Thanks for reminding me of it. I knew these links would come in handy someday. ;)

Ugh. Now I want to vomit again.

By

Ben, at 4:58 PM

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