planetdan

Monday, February 27, 2006 :::

The Po-Po

I've only been pulled over by the cops four times in my whole life, and I've never gotten a ticket. In fact, the worst punishment ever bestowed upon me by law enforcement was in the sixth grade, when K-Mack and I had a Silly String fight outside the Brookdale Mall. Some power-hungry lady mall cop, who obviously had too much time and too little to do, made us clean up all of the silly string we had sprayed in the parking lot in case "some old lady should come along and trip on it and break a hip." Never mind the fact that the stuff disintegrates into dust when you touch it. She even took down our names and numbers in case such an accident actually occurred. And being the good kids that we were, we gave her our real information.

Anyway, I never understood the whole "cops are pigs" reference or how that came about, but I thought this was kind of funny:

Does Cleveland Police Logo Contain Hidden Image Of Pig?

Wilbur? Nicely done, graphic designer.

Oh wait. I've been pulled over five times. I forgot about the time in senior high when we got pulled over late one night while making a home movie. I had slicked-back hair and a painted-on goatee (totally in character), and K-Mack was playing a mysterious hitchhiker, which must have looked odd to the cop who had obviously been watching us film at the abandoned gas station on the corner. When asked for his license, the driver of the vehicle (who was also in character portraying the cab driver) said "I don't have one. But I got an A in driver's ed, officer." Man, we were lame kids. Most kids our age who got pulled over in the middle of the night had to worry about getting caught with beer or pot in their car. My only worry was that my costume make-up was smudged.

UPDATED:
Here is a screencap of me in full costume that evening, right before we got pulled over, just to help you visualize the scenario:

Is it me or do I totally look like a young Colin Farrell? And here's my big death scene. Dan gets murdered by K-Mack. Oh shit, I just gave away the ending:

::: posted by dan at 10:44 PM :: [ link ] :: (45) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

45 previous comments:

collin farrell... charlie chaplin... same thing

By

the other sarah, at 12:08 AM

No offense, Dan, you know I'm a fan but you kinda look like a chic dressed up to look like a dude.

But I totally mean that in a good way, I think.

By

Darcy's Twin, at 2:45 AM

POST THE VIDEO
POST THE VIDEO
POST THE VIDEO
POST THE VIDEO
POST THE VIDEO

By

danfan, at 8:18 AM

That's pretty funny. Reminds me of Bruno Ponce-Jones. Would that make K-mack Francesca Fiore? Didn't she have six boobs, or was that something else?

By

callmekidd, at 8:34 AM

I wonder who that is sitting calmly in the chair as I kill you with toy chain saw, or maybe he/she’s already dead. AND, you didn’t give away the ending, remember, there’s a twist! Grub.

By

Kristina, at 8:39 AM

killer hairline, dan.

sigh.

By

baldy., at 11:23 AM

Are those really your eyebrows?

By

Biglug, at 1:31 PM

Yeah man!

By

Elle Marie, at 1:45 PM

The eyebrows were penciled in for dramatic effect. The cop didn't appreciate how dedicated I was to staying in character.

By

dan, at 3:28 PM

I think the Cleveland Mascot looks more like whinnie the pooh than a pig. Oh and I love that she's laughing while she kills you.

By

Anonymous, at 3:47 PM

Hey dan, who sent you the thing about the logo? Just curious, living in Cleveland and all, I saw it yesterday.

By

stapler, at 4:27 PM

I found the logo thing on fark I think.

By

dan, at 6:07 PM

The pictures add SOOOO much to the story. And, Yes PLEASE post the video.
Oh, I agree with the Winnie the Pooh comment. I wanted to say that last night but for some reason I could not post a comment then. (Winnie the Pooh meets marijuana)

By

Anonymous, at 7:03 PM

Hell yeah, Colin Farrell! Wow. My Bro is Colin Farrell...

And you must indeed post the video.

I know you have it.

Don't make me tickle you to get it.

By

Colleen, at 8:45 PM

Dan, we need that video. At least a peace of it. Please!

By

Georg, at 1:01 AM

Did I just write "peace"? I'm sorry, it's early morning over here.

By

Georg, at 1:03 AM

I'm going to vote against posting the video.

By

Kristina, at 8:33 AM

You look like that magnetic hobo face toy, where you use the pen to drag around the magnet shreds to make facial hair.

I think it's funny that someone "changed the face" of the Cleveland PD to a smiling pig.

That reminds me - the gummy bacon candy you posted awhile back, is not so far fetched. According to Old Country Buffet's dessert section, gummy candy actually contains pork.

By

stsundown, at 10:26 AM

Dan-

Your loyal readers and fans are calling for the video. Do you want to deny your true followers that homespun gem?

By

danfan, at 12:34 PM

I'm tellin' ya Dan, nobody wants to see it. Really, their just trying to be nice.

By

Kristina, at 12:51 PM

My friends and I made a movie in high school that involved lugging a "casket" out of a cemetary at night. The police rolled up on us with their guns drawn. They quickly realized that we were stupid kids making a movie, and the "casket" was a plywood box.

Just another case of The Man hassling The Geeks.

By

carl, at 1:09 PM

Dan, how drunk were you when you did this? You sure look like the homo you are in all that makeup. Drinking and movie making really don't go together very well. Try AA instead. We are here for you drunk or sober, gay or straight. Just admit you have a problem and you will be on the road to recovery. Remember Jesus died for your sins. We love you Dan.

By

Anonymous, at 6:30 PM

Looks more like Bud Bundy to me.

By

Anonymous, at 6:56 PM

You haven't written about this yet, so I just had to say...

candyshipbattleland. War never tasted so delicious.

I REALLY hope you got that.

By

Alicia, at 10:01 PM

Of course I got it. What kind of fan do you think I am?

By

dan, at 10:13 PM

Ain't no chance in hell I am posting that video. And no, I won't post the video where I portrayed TVs Blossom either.

By

dan, at 10:19 PM

Was K-Mack 6 or Joey in that one?

By

Anonymous, at 10:28 PM

Listen anonymous poster, maybe you should look for professional help.

By

Georg, at 2:56 AM

You are just adorable! We could have been so lame together in highschool. Appreciate the laugh - 30th bday yesterday... have to go wallow again... Cheers!

By

elizabeth, at 6:10 AM

I don't get the candyshipbattleland. What are you talking about?

By

Anonymous, at 1:19 PM

Clearly anonymous doesn't watch Gilmore Girls. Even I got that one.

By

Trekgeekscott, at 1:59 PM

That's right Dan, Your brother has been converted to a Gilmore Girls fan. Thank Krissy.

By

Trekgeekscott, at 2:07 PM

I like when they play Bop-It because the situation is getting boring/tense/bop-it empty

By

the other sarah, at 2:29 PM

I meant the anonymous poster with the crazy AA-comments etc. I hope that was clear.

By

Georg, at 2:51 PM

Argh! @ no Dan posts since Monday...

I am sooo bored right now...

By

Darcy's Twin, at 4:16 AM

Yeah, no kidding. New post please!

By

Kristina, at 10:58 AM

Yeah really where are you? Maybe crazy anon guy kidnapped you and trapped you in some AA meeting. We worry. Also, we have little else to do.... so please come back.

By

elizabeth, at 3:01 PM

Dan's not ignoring us, he's been under the weather as of late.

POST THE VIDEO PLEASE!!!

By

Colleen, at 3:46 PM

Ahhh...well get well soon, Dan!!

And yeah, I second it. Post the Video!!

By

Darcy's Twin, at 6:22 PM

Under the weather Dan or just hung over? Have you had an HIV test lately? You know gay men should be regularly tested. Just remember all of us in the local AA chapter are praying for you. Please take care of yourself and know that Jesus loves you in spite of your evil ways. Come out of the closet, get sober, and be a man.

By

Anonymous, at 7:06 PM

I really wanted to post a prediction with my last comment that "annoying annonymous poster that everyone hates" would totally post an AA, jesus loves you, gay comment.

Jackass.

Feel better Dan.

By

Colleen, at 7:48 PM

I can't believe he's still posting the same anti-gay/AA-comments. The only thing that becomes clear is that you're a homosexual yourself. Just face it.

By

Georg, at 4:49 AM

I think you might want to consider blocking anon posters - this guy's kinda creepy.

By

elizabeth, at 6:54 AM

Beautiful Mind

By

thepoetryman, at 8:53 PM

Why cops are called pigs...

Was always told that the name came into use after the publication of the George Orwell book 'Animal Farm.' In the book, the pigs became the law enforcement on the farm.

Yeh, I'm a nerd.

By

Anonymous, at 2:07 PM

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