planetdan

Thursday, March 23, 2006 :::

Eye Hate U, Prince

Eye just can't seem to get out of under Prince's spell. Eye honestly haven't enjoyed a Prince CD since 1990. But my love for him ran so deep in the 80's that eye find myself in constant conflict over his existence. Plus, me and him had a pretty ugly falling out in the late 90's over the ill-fated Crystal Ball fiasco that eye won't even get into. Then a couple years ago, when eye had finally decided that eye had bought my last Prince CD ever, he announced his "comeback" tour. Eye'd never had the chance to see the guy perform live, even in his heyday, so eye went. Little did eye know that the $75 concert ticket was basically forcing me into buying his new CD, as it was "included" (read: added on) to the price of the concert ticket. That CD was called Musicology, and it sucked royal ass.

So news came out he was releasing a new CD this month and eye didn't even bother to look into it. My anti-Prince stance had reached its pinnacle, or so eye thought. Because today eye walked by an end-cap at Target and saw the CD adorned with a sticker advertising a contest where a small number of random CDs contained an elusive "Purple Ticket" that entitled the lucky recipient to a private Prince concert. Eye stood, conflicted.

Oh my god he was pulling a Willy Wonka. Eye had read about it of course, and put it out of my mind, just figuring eye could ignore it, but standing at Target and seeing that packaging and imagining myself being Charlie Bucket and opening the CD to discover my Golden Ticket was just too overwhelming of a prospect to pass up. Eye always wanted to be Charlie Bucket, and here was my chance. Only it wasn't a lifetime supply of chocolate eye was after, but rather an evening of Black Sweat. To-may-to, To-mah-to.

So eye bought the CD, and waited, with much anticipation, until the privacy of my own home to open it. Eye peeled back the plastic, slowly, relishing the possibilities, just like Charlie would have:

Eye took a deep breath and flipped open the cover, camera at the ready. This was my moment to shine, and eye was going to catch it on film:

Drats! Foiled again. Eye hate U, Prince. There's nothing in here but an advertisement for the latest underwhelming Prince protege, a booklet of pictures featuring his hideously obnoxious pimped-out Prince pad (that he has recently been sued over), and a CD filled with mediocre music:

How many Prince CDs can eye be tricked into buying? Booo. Even Charlie Bucket had to buy four Wonka bars before finally finding his Golden Ticket. Maybe eye need to go back to Target tomorrow...

::: posted by dan at 11:13 PM :: [ link ] :: (22) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

22 previous comments:

I sure wouldn´t want to have Prince as my tenant. That landlord should´ve seen it coming. And Dan, don´t succumb to buying more Prince stuff - you only support him and his weirdness by doing that...

By

Richard, at 5:16 AM

I so thought with your Karma and charmed life you would have won. Gosh darn-it. But if you blow $150.00 on a candle holder - you can at least spend $100.00 trying for the ticket. I'm all for trying a couple of more times and then selling the other copies on ebay or - better yet a draw for all of your dedicated fans. A Dan signed copy of the new Prince album. That's gotta be a cool thing.

By

elizabeth, at 7:45 AM

Um. Musicology does NOT suck. Listen to it again.
We dropped a chunk of change buying Prince tickets for 4 shows around Ohio and surrounding areas in 2001. It was great! All the hits and some rare B-sides that I thoroughly enjoyed too. Next night, Cincinnati ... um exact same show. Same banter with the audience and everything. It was so sad. I guess a big production like that can't be spontaneous. Thinking about it, now I'm mad at Prince too!

By

DaytonTracy, at 8:28 AM

Can I have that Tamar insert for my workspace? I don't care what you think about her, she's pretty good. And you can't deny she is WAAAAY better than Carmen Electra and Nona Gaye.

By

brent, at 8:29 AM

I love that you captured it all on camera. But, um, what is with the "eye" stuff? Is that an inside Prince joke? If so, "eye" don't get it. It is WAY distracting when reading though. I kept inserting "eve" as I was reading instead, as if that would make more sense.

By

lola, at 11:04 AM

"eye'm| going insane because of your stupid little "eye" UGH!

By

melissa, at 11:40 AM

This post reminds me of why I fell in love with... er... laugh with you, Dan.

I too would have stood conflicted at the end cap, but I would have resisted. You see, the thing about Charlie was he had horrible luck all his life, and finally it got really good. I have mediocre luck, and always will.

I tried my hand at karma today, I bought a homeless guy lunch at sonic, and they promptly forgot my straw... see? mediocre...

By

the other sarah, at 11:51 AM

Totally different topic: did you notice we beat your team on Wednesday night? :-)

By

Georg, at 1:33 PM

Love the blog, HATE the "eye". Please stop!

By

jillian, at 2:49 PM

Sounds like Dan wants to have his prince and eat him too?

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Anonymous, at 4:22 PM

I went to the musicology tour as well, and felt decidedly ripped off. The friend that attended the show with me felt differently - on several occassions during the show she fell to her knees crying as though the Beatles were playing on stage.

It takes all kinds. But Prince likes it like that.

By

Elle Marie, at 4:56 PM

Hasn't anyone read a prince lyric sheet or booklet before? Is it a Minnesota thing? Eye = I and U = You.

I know it's annoying, but blame it on prince.

By

dan, at 5:23 PM

I still don't get it. What else is new huh?

Remember when he changed his name to that symbol and whever they showed it on TV it came with that "SHABONG!" background noise? I called him Shabong for at least a year. I was really hoping it would catch on.

By

Colleen, at 6:05 PM

another reference to Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. freaky man

By

Anonymous, at 7:42 PM

Dan, Eye'm with U. Eye've been a big Prince fan since 2nd grade but this new CD kinda sucks. Eye actually skipped ahead in the middle of Track 10 (?) because Eye felt like Eye was in church. Did you noticed how the themes in his lyrics reflect the same stuff he did on the 'Around the world in a Day' album from way back. He has also lost his FUNK. Terrible...F!
-QueenieBops

By

Anonymous, at 8:26 PM

Eye think you're hilarious!!!! Its so sweet that you want to be Charlie Bucket.

By

Daphne'sTwin, at 8:46 PM

Don't do it!

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Cara, at 10:32 PM

that's funny stuff, dan. eye'm sorry you didn't win, though.

it's weird to think that prince is only 7 years older than my husband. and my hubby saw him on the purple rain tour here in mpls. alas, i was only 8.

By

Honey Bunny, at 5:34 PM

Did you see the Chappelle show episode with Prince? the one where Charlie Murphy tells the story of going to Prince's house? It's funny. Dave Chappelle does a good prince impression.

By

Biglug, at 7:39 PM

Eye thank you for blogging about this 1!

It is 2 funny that we had the same reaction to the new Prince CD.

What a jip.

By

Bewareoftheblog, at 9:51 PM

Actually I like his musicology cd the new one I'm not to happy with it I do like Satisfied. I hope he comes back this year with another great concert, I wasn't able to go when he came to LA. I think you should listen to the musicology cd again I love Call My Name!

By

J. G., at 6:21 PM

That post made me laugh. I'm going to download the cd in your honor.

By

platkat, at 1:24 PM

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