planetdan

Tuesday, September 05, 2006 :::

Is an innocent rubber penis story suitable for work? I dunno.

Once upon a time, in the innocent era before heightened airplane security, I bought K-Mack a cheap and floppy rubber penis for Christmas, just to see what her reaction would be when she reached blindly into her stocking and felt the rubbery flesh. It was a good reaction; worth the six bucks I spent on it, and even more so as it has since become a long running gag (ewwww no pun intended) between the two of us. It gets hidden under pillows, packed in suitcases, slipped into purses, and tossed back and forth on a semi-regular basis. In fact, I think the rubber penis is better traveled than I am. It's been to Hawaii, Las Vegas, Florida, and god knows where else, all unexpectedly. For instance, if you don't pay attention to your belongings while packing or while actually on vacation, you might find it:

1. Packed in your purse at a restaurant...
2. Placed next to your unsuspecting face as you slumber, or...
3. Slyly hidden in your carry-on bag for all the x-ray machine guards to see...

Most of these shenanigans happened before September 11th, but a few trips back in the post 9-11 world, K-Mack slipped the six-incher into my carry-on. I made it all the way through the security x-ray before discovering it, which in hindsight helped me understand the odd behavior of the guards on duty. This was all amusing with acceptable levels of embarrassment, but my good sense of humor changed abruptly when we got to the actual gate and they were doing random searches. These weren't private pat-downs either... they actually emptied the contents of your carry-on baggage, one piece at a time, for clear display on a large metal table in front of a long line of gaping passengers. I nearly vomited in line while waiting to see if I would be chosen. For some reason it didn't occur to me that I could simply throw the penis into one of the nearest trash bins to avoid any embarrassment. Or perhaps it did and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Whatever the case and with great fortune, I was not chosen for random inspection, and I made sure the penis found its way back into K-Mack's luggage for the ride home a few days later.

This guy, however, was not so lucky:

Evidence ruled sufficient in penis pump case

I definitely feel his pain.
[thanks, marty, for the link]

::: posted by dan at 11:56 PM :: [ link ] :: (7) comments

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7 previous comments:

This post reminded me of John Hargrave's latest shenanigans. He went through airport security with a vibrator in his pants. And it was on. Comedy gold.

Read about it here:
http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&sort=active&head=1&thread_id=68619#break

By

Anonymous, at 4:23 AM

I thought we were funny with our purple bowl that we try to pawn off on each other unexpectedy... a rubber penis so much funnier. dammit.

By

the other sarah, at 11:05 AM

That's too funny...

By

Darcy's Twin, at 11:08 AM

I wonder if we might be seeing it in Vegas real soon, keep your luggage under your control at ALL times.

Do you suppose anyone would mind if we took a picture of it playing black jack at Caesars Palace??

By

Kristina, at 11:23 AM

Oh...and I hate you.

By

Kristina, at 12:00 PM

Dan,

This post made me and my husband laugh out loud. You are the funniest guy on the entire planet!

By

Sarah, at 5:41 PM

My housekeeper and I do the same thing with a rubber cockroach - in the coffeepot, tampax box, washing machine. Would be fun to shake up the karma by substituting a rubber penis, but Ima try for a fun-colored one when I go shopping.

Kristina, they will "tsk, tsk" if you take pictures at Caesers. No cameras allowed in casinos. Have fun and Silver Palace (near Riverira)is non-smoking.

By

toddbee, at 8:13 AM

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