planetdan

Wednesday, November 08, 2006 :::

Beelzebubesque

Dear Sixth Congressional District of Minnesota,
I'm unsure why you thought that the devil's concubine (a.k.a Michele Bachmann) would best represent you in the U.S. House of Representatives. I gotta hand it to you, it's a bold move, to elect evil incarnate like that. Perhaps you were worried about the inevitable damage her flaming breath would have caused as she swooped down in vengeance over your cities and counties had she lost, which I suppose is understandable. I mean, I wouldn't want to be torn to shreds by her beelzebubesque talons, either. Is it possible that you believe a demon of the underworld could really serve you best? She may tout her dedication to God (similar to how a Revelationary Anti-christ might... I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'), but taking into consideration her past record and statements you must know where her true allegiances lie, so I can't believe you elected it by accident. I'm just not sure I understand your motives as a voting public yet. Perhaps they will become more clear in the warming glow of Armageddon.

Seriously, though. She first got into politics because her husband told her to, and she had to obey her husband because she had been given a vision by God to marry him in the first place. Then God told her to run for Congress. Then she sprouted horns and fangs and cackled as she ate innocent babies. Oops, I'm getting ahead of myself here, but if you aren't from Minnesota, or don't know Michele Bachmann, you should read up, because she may be coming to your town, soon.

Oh, and I'm all for Independents trying to upset our rusty old two-party system in this country, but sometimes they really should just consider the greater good and back down:

Sigh. Thanks a lot, Binkowski. You're kinda like this guy. I blame half of this fiasco on you, and half on Patty Wetterling's haircut.

PS. This might be the best photograph ever taken. It deserves the Pulitzer. It was taken as Bachmann's evil male counterpart, Rick Santorum, conceded the election:

MATCHING DOLL CLOTHES.

::: posted by dan at 11:26 AM :: [ link ] :: (19) comments

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19 previous comments:

This is what my mother had to say about Michele Bachmann.

My Mom: “That Michele Bachmann makes me want to puke, and I would like to take those sickening pearl earrings of hers and shove them straight up her ass!”

By

Kristina, at 1:18 PM

The caption my friend Russ came up with for that Santorum photo:

Sadness and fear reigns in Santorum household as soon-to-be-ex Senator declares he'll now "have more time for the children".

By

june, at 2:21 PM

Those matching clothes between the girl and the doll are frightening.

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Stacy B, at 2:25 PM

As a resident of my beloved Pittsburgh, I am truly ecstatic that evil has not prevailed. Satan and his doll-dress-matched spawn have been defeated! I apologize to the state of Minnesota, though. Really, that's horrible.

By

Annie., at 4:03 PM

Uhg. I checked the link. She is a crazy. It seems that mostly crazies find careers in politics. And it seems that the people who hate politics as they are(the people who COULD change things) choose not to vote, BECAUSE they hate politics. I don't have proof of this trend, it just seems to be.
And WHY do we have to consider voting for a candidate we don't support just to prevent an even worse candidate from winning. Uhg and yuck.

By

the girl, at 4:33 PM

the matching doll distracts from the pouting teen daughter in the back and the stoic boy who looks like he should be in a "child possessed" movie. that boy looks like he tortures small animals.

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Michelle, at 5:21 PM

mom's thinking " Oh crap and we are all out of Tequila"

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Anonymous, at 7:40 PM

I'm sorry Dan that your race didn't work out. I have been having one of the most giddy days of my life watching the Dems gobble up all those seats and Rumsfeld get fired. That's too bad Bachmann had to ruin this great day for you. She really is evil.

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Zoe, at 7:42 PM

His son he just realized he's gay and his dad's gonna beat him up.

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kate, at 8:27 PM

I think I need to add that the girls outfit was suspect, with or without the matching doll one. She reminds me of creepy homeschooled kids who read the bible for fun.

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Kristen, at 10:57 PM

What troubles me is how he trotted his family out for his concession speech. The speech itself-admittedly-was nice. But can you get much crueler than making your children stand on that humiliation stage while you give it?

Just imagine what he'll do to them when he loses the presidential primary...

By

Erik, at 5:35 AM

friends - pick on Santorum (Thanks, Dan Savage!) all you want, but leave the kids out of it.

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Anonymous, at 8:17 AM

Someone needs to tell that little girl that the "Laura Ingells Little House on the Prairie" look went out decades ago...

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CampBlood, at 10:30 AM

I say if you are using your children as tools and are in the limelight during a concession speech ~ the kids are fair game.

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Anonymous, at 10:55 AM

At least she's semi-easier on the eyes than Jean Schmidt. http://www.jeanschmidt.com/

She gives me nightmares.

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Monkey, at 11:46 AM

I just had an afterthought.

I once worked with this woman who said the same thing about God telling her to marry her husband. Which, you know, would have been fine and all had they not been dating for a mere 2 weeks at the time. (And being that she was a single mom, I would hope that she'd have a wee bit more discretion than that. But hey, God told her to.)

And that was the same woman who tried to convert me in a Wendys drive-thru. But I know the tricks. muhahahah!

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Monkey, at 11:53 AM

1. Maybe HIS next calling will be for her to quit?
2. The best part about Santorum is that I no longer thing of him at all when I hear his name, but rather "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex". Thank YOU Dan Savage.

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katrynanne, at 4:31 PM

Privatize Social Security? Intelligent Design Theory for schools?

Wow....No Thanks....

Do people even know who they vote for?

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Anonymous, at 1:25 PM

Why do these kids think they should dress like their overly expensive American Girl dollies??

By

Anonymous, at 5:27 PM

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