planetdan

Friday, February 09, 2007 :::

Motivational Deodorant

Early this morning, I was surprised to be greeted with a positive inspirational message from people who clearly care about my emotional well-being:

My first thought was of the dozen or so marketing directors in the Ultra Dry Degree Deodorant marketing department who probably had multiple hour-long brainstorming sessions as to decide which messages would be carved into the freshly-formed deodorant chunks. I wondered if the message was always intended to be a positive one, or if they had initially proposed more product-supporting phrases like "Stink No More" or "Apply Liberally". Once the decision was made to avoid any reference to the user's body odor, how many arguments did it take before phrases like "Exxxtreme!" and "Live The Dream!" were taken off the table? Whatever the case, I wasn't about to let the marketing managers' hard work and perseverance go to waste: today, I would take their advice to heart, and "Go For It".

And "Go For It" I did. When I craved a second bowl of cereal for breakfast, I went for it. When the green light I was approaching on the way to work turned prematurely yellow, I went for it. When I was debating whether or not to buy myself a luxuriously over-priced caffeinated beverage at the local cafe, I went for it. When I debated whether or not to use the only empty urinal that was unfortunately situated directly in between two occupied urinals, I took a deep breath and I went for it. My deodorant only wants me to proceed with confidence. Worry not, Ultra Dry Degree Invisible Stick Solid (Non-Irritating with Aloe)... it has been gone for.

Ultra Dry Degree Invisible Stick Solid (Non-Irritating with Aloe) has changed my life. My only regret is that my personalized motivational message was forever erased after one generous swipe on the armpit. Tomorrow's motivation will have to come from as-of-yet unknown alternative sources.

::: posted by dan at 12:44 PM :: [ link ] :: (24) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

24 previous comments:

Just get a razor blade or a toothpick, you can keep it 'fresh' every morning.

By

Trudy, at 3:25 PM

Man, you had me laughing out loud. I don't think I've ever commented on someone's blog but I had to thank you for this post that made me chuckle.

By

Anonymous, at 3:26 PM

You are so funny. I wish I could express the level of guffaws coming out of me as I read this post. I love Dan.

By

Debbye, at 4:12 PM

Did you Go For It with your boyfriend? or that 7th glass of wine?

FATTY

By

Anonymous, at 6:19 PM

So a stick of deodorant got you to do these things? Man... I love you more and more each post.

I like Apply Liberally... lets go get marketing degress.

By

sarah, at 9:40 PM

stop covering your alcholism and gaydar with your blog....

FATTY

By

Anonymous, at 12:50 AM

Go be a stupid ass somewhere else "anonymous".

By

Trudy, at 12:10 PM

Are you calling me a fatty or are you signing off as fatty? I'm confused.

By

dan, at 3:57 PM

Anonymous is giving all of us anonymous' a bad name. What an ass.

I might actually have to switch deodorants. I need a little "go for it" in my life. I wonder how much money that company spent to do that? Couldn't they donate it to feed the hungry? Sorry - I got side-tracked. You're a riot dan and everyday you make me smile.

By

Anonymous, at 6:41 AM

if you're searching for motivation, you can always open up a yoplait. since there's usually a contest goingon with the little tinfoil yogurt lids, at the very least you'll get the ultra-motivational "try again!", which should up your urge to keep on truckin'. at best, you'll find out what a winner you are.

By

melissa mcgee, at 9:06 AM

I agree... Anonymous Fatty needs to go find something else to do that worry about Dan's blog. The rest of us are here to enjoy Dan's humor...

By

CampBlood, at 10:55 AM

mine said 'take the risk.'

but i'm too chicken.

By

Anonymous, at 7:32 AM

How I wish they put those messages on my maxi pads...

By the way, we don't really care about Dan's trying to hide things or not... it's not the point of his blog. We just enjoy some humor. If you can't live with it, just make your own blog and get the f*** outta here.

WE LOVE DAN.

By

Caroline, at 6:20 PM

were none of you here when we had the AA jackass? Just ignore him, he'll go.

By

Sarah, at 9:09 PM

My deodorant is not nearly so inspirational...I think it's bored with our relationship.

By

Pocket Change, at 9:51 PM

...so is it bad that my deodorant had "hooker" etched in it?

By

Anonymous, at 11:33 PM

Is that you shovling snow in usatoday.com pictures of the day for feb 13 pic 8/10

THE FAT ASS

By

Anonymous, at 12:48 AM

Hmmm, at this time of year I could definitely go for some extra motivation. But I don't like the white residue from that kind of stick deodorant.

And anonymous fatty, even if Dan went for it with whoever or had that 7th glass of wine, that's his own business.

By

August, at 4:52 AM

It'd be neat if they could etch different motivational messages at various levels within the stick.

PS
Having a second bowl of cereal is never guilt-laden if you're eating all-bran!

By

silph, at 12:56 PM

Hey Dan,

Just recently came across your site and I must say you have the knack to making the world smile that little more

Keep on making us all laugh... I'm definately adding you onto my blogroll

By

Luke Sheridan, at 6:27 AM

Who needs one of those overpriced-infomercial mini voice recorder message things. You can always take a nail file and carve a message to yourself the night before and astound yourself the following morning with your brilliant wittisism.

"Lunch with Tony" "Pick up dry cleaning"

Heck, you could carry around a chunk of deodorant with you each day wrapped in foil for jotting down those new witty ideas for your next blog entry. That way, you are also always prepared for those uncomfortable moments when you are squished in tight next to your boss on the elevator. Aren't you glad you used Dial?

By

Anonymous, at 1:20 PM

LOL.. you're funny, I'm bookmarking you!

By

Marie, at 5:44 AM

What does the soap on a rope say?

By

Anonymous, at 9:54 AM

This is crazy. I totally noticed the slogan on my Degree earlier this week and went through the EXACT same thought process. In fact, I was just about to blog about it, and I came across this entry while I was trolling the internet for images. Well, I still might write about it, but I'll give a link, lest people think I'm plagiarizing. Funny stuff!

By

Ben, at 1:44 AM

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