planetdan

Wednesday, March 12, 2008 :::

Things I Learned from Kmack's Professional Wedding Photographer

C-Minus (formerly Kmack) got her wedding photos back recently. I immediately sorted through them to find pictures of myself. It was a very enlightening experience for me. Here are some things I learned from Kmack's professional wedding photographer:

1. Wide angle lenses are quite unflattering.
Or at least I hope she was using a wide angle lens on this shot:

Jeesh, I'd look like some fat oil tycoon, if it weren't for the cheap champagne.

2. In hindsight, maybe it does seem strange to have a man as your maid of honor.
Who wouldn't assume I was the groom in this picture:

To make matters worse, there are some pictures of the entire wedding party where the bride is facing me rather than the groom, which I'm sure the actual groom didn't appreciate too much.

3. I am desperate for attention.
I'll do anything to get noticed, even if it means shoving my own hand needlessly into the shot, with an awkward "Madge, I soaked in it!" pose no less:

4. I'm terribly unphotogenic.

::: posted by dan at 8:27 AM :: [ link ] :: (9) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

9 previous comments:

don't worry Dan, C-Minus MORE than makes up for your unphotogenicness...? unphotogenicality...?

what I mean to say is, she's a beautiful bride!

By

Rebecca, at 4:25 PM

Samwise Gamgee, is that you and do you have the Ring?

By

August, at 4:57 AM

I know this is planetdan, not planetKris, but still.... how about posting a lovely portrait of the bride or even the newlyweds? or is that on C-minus' blog?

funny ring joke, august.

-toddbee

By

Anonymous, at 11:32 AM

Perhaps next time you're a maid of honor your suit should be the same color as the bridesmaid's dresses. I wonder what Emily Post says on the matter.

By

Nick Manson, at 1:07 PM

Oh - that's so sweet you were the maid of honor!

My sister should have followed Kmack's logic. The bitch.

Also: That wide-angle lens is highly unnecessary. What bride wants to see her body distorded like that?

By

Bob, at 1:58 PM

I want to know about the sign in the background of the first photo.

Budweiser - "Our profits reduce your taxes"

WTF?

By

Anonymous, at 9:14 AM

I love the "Madge, I soaked in it!" pic!

By

Anonymous, at 11:13 PM

It was prob. not a wide angle lens. When the camera is too close to the subject for the lens, it distorts the photo, we photogs call it the "dog nose" or some crap like that.

By

Anonymous, at 11:32 PM

If you had a monocle you could pass for the Monopoly guy.

By

Butchie, at 4:31 PM

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