planetdan

Thursday, February 28, 2008 :::

Get Smart

I want to move that gooey pooey rat heap in the previous post down a notch or two, so here's an interesting little quiz for you:

I'll wait a tad before revealing the answer in the comments.

And here is another interactive logic quiz that my brother in law sent me a while back. I figured it out pretty quickly because I'm such a smart cookie, but it was still a little tricky. Unfortunately it is an MS Excel file, so I don't know if everyone will be able to open it or not...

::: posted by dan at 11:34 PM :: [ link ] :: (20) comments

Tuesday, February 26, 2008 :::

O...M...G...

When I heard about it on 30 Rock, I thought that the concept of a "Rat King" was just a clever plot device, but unfortunately Wikipedia has informed me otherwise:

"Rat kings are cryptozoological phenomena said to arise when a number of rats become intertwined at their tails, which become stuck together with blood, dirt, and excrement. The animals consequently grow together while joined at the tails, which are often broken."

*fingers crossed*
Please be a hoax... please be a hoax... please be a hoax...

...otherwise I may have to kill myself because I don't even want there to be the slightest possibility that I could one day encounter such a disgusting writhing heap of mutated excrement-caked vermin.

And to think I used to like 30 Rock. :(

::: posted by dan at 8:06 AM :: [ link ] :: (8) comments

Monday, February 25, 2008 :::

The Brave One

At the coffee shop near my house there is a "community journal" that asks a generic question on a daily basis and invites the coffee shop patrons to answer in participation. The other day the question was "Who do you think will win the Oscar for Best Picture?" to which the lone written answer was Hairspray, a film which wasn't even in the running, which I guess says a lot about my neighborhood. So while I waited for my tea to brew, I decided to flip through the journal to read the previous questions and answers to see if they were equally inspiring. That's when I came across the question "What is the bravest thing you've ever done?" The answers from those participating went something like this:

- Had a kid
- Had a baby
- Went to college
- Bought a car
- Had a baby
- Had a baby
- Had a kid
- Had a baby
- Wore a sleeveless dress
- Had a baby

I instantly felt bad for the obviously fat-armed participant who mustered up the guts to wear a sleeveless dress, because if that was indeed the bravest thing she's ever done then she either has the most boring life ever or mutant shoulders. I suppose it could have been written by a man, and that's where the bravery part comes in. I dunno.

But I was a little confused about why having a kid was suddenly and ubiquitously considered a "brave" thing to do. I can concede that raising a kid can be a lot of work and is in some cases a sincerely selfless act, but I hardly think that succumbing to the innate biological imperative to reproduce - an imperative that 95% of the rest of the population also succumbs to - can be considered "brave". If that's the case, then we may as well hand out medals to everyone who is brave enough to breathe oxygen and walk on two feet.

But then I started to feel judgmental about those self-important babymakers, mostly because I couldn't instantly think of anything I've done that could seriously be considered braver than locking yourself into that lifetime commitment of having a kid. The results after I sat down to write my own bravery list were less than impressive:

- Figured out how to ride the Eurail train in Germany
- Walked home drunk through the Minneapolis ghetto at 3am
- Quit my stable corporate job to work at a risky startup
- Approached Lindsay Lohan in an Eyeglass Store
- Ate foie gras
- Um... ran a 5k?

Lame indeed. But what really counts as being "brave" these days anyway? Combat in Iraq? Skydiving? Cold Water Rescue? The Iditarod? If that's what it takes to be considered brave then you can count me out. And in that case, I guess it's a good thing to actively lower the standards for what can and cannot be labeled as a brave act. So let's give it up for those brave babymakers:

Hip, hip, hooray!

::: posted by dan at 6:38 PM :: [ link ] :: (19) comments

Friday, February 22, 2008 :::

Animated Friday (Dance Dance Revolution Edition)!

Great moments in dance, Volume I:

1. Whoever said "never be ashamed of the past" never had a twirling mullet.

2. It's called breakdancing for a reason. *cue rimshot*

3. Maybe there is such a thing as too gay: a.k.a the crotch pat.

4. Never invade another man's dance space.

::: posted by dan at 12:18 PM :: [ link ] :: (6) comments

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 :::

Loose Screws

I know next to nothing about cars. How they work and how one might go about performing repairs is an utter mystery to me. The engine could be nothing more than a greasy monkey furiously pumping a hand crank for all I know. I suppose this has made me a good mark for unscrupulous mechanics who have undoubtedly charged me obscene sums of money in the past for things that probably amounted to little more than flipping a switch or adjusting a lever. Do cars even have switches and levers? I dunno.

So recently my "door ajar" alarm has been emitting an ear-piercing and insanity-inducing ding at all times, regardless of whether or not my car door is actually ajar. A cursory glance and the door latch mechanism was all I could muster before I just broke down and called the dealership to schedule a repair.

It's times like these when my insecurity gets the best of me. I imagined bringing in the car and telling them my problems only to be met with laughter and derision when the issue turned out to be something trivial or obvious. "He brought in his car to the dealership for an ungreased door latch! LOL! What a buffoon!" they would all guffaw while kicking me in the nuts.

So I was a little caught off guard today when the mechanic walked into the waiting lounge at the dealership and told me I had a screw loose.

"You got a screw loose, man."

My initial desire was to shout "Oh yeah? Not everyone on the planet needs to know how to repair a car, jackass! Do you know how to design and build a website? HUH? NO?!? Well, then maybe YOU'RE the one with the loose screw, pal!"

But thankfully the reality of my low self-confidence limited my reply to: "Say what?"

"You got a screw loose. In the door latch. I'm just having my guys give it a good tightening and that should solve the problem."

So it turns out he was speaking literally when it came to loose screws. But I still think his comment was a double entendre. Mechanics can be so damned self-righteous.

::: posted by dan at 12:48 PM :: [ link ] :: (4) comments

Tuesday, February 19, 2008 :::

Flashy!

My coworker sent me this:

[HINT: Click on the dan to see him in action]

I don't get it, and I don't like it. I creep me out. The randomness/leglessness of it is a little too David Lynchy for my tastes.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, C-Minus sent me this the other day, and I think it is the cutest thing I have ever seen.

I just leave it running/licking in the background all day long.

::: posted by dan at 10:25 PM :: [ link ] :: (4) comments

Friday, February 15, 2008 :::

The Return of Animated Friday!

Rules for riding personal motorized vehicles:

You got to know when to let go.

You're never too young to learn.

My childhood friend Cory had a motorbike. I finally got up the nerve to try it out one afternoon and it didn't end well. I remember a sudden thrust, the bike disappearing from beneath me, and then my ass triple-bouncing on the pavement. And let's just say that that experience didn't exactly benefit my reputation in the neighborhood.

::: posted by dan at 7:46 AM :: [ link ] :: (3) comments

Thursday, February 14, 2008 :::

Valentimes

I made this Valentine especially for you:

Although this Darwin Valentine is my favorite:

Send them to someone you love!

::: posted by dan at 8:24 AM :: [ link ] :: (4) comments

Monday, February 11, 2008 :::

Out of Pocket

I'm sorta out of the country right now.

It's like 55 degrees where I'm at. It's like 40 degrees below zero back home, so suck on that:

Someone should tell that guy that his browns don't match.

Someone should also tell this foreign TV manufacturer that their brand name sucks:

Someone should tell this foreign women's clothing store that their name is a little inappropriate:

Someone should tell this guy that if he's going to be representing America to the rest of the world that he should stop being such a jackass:

Someone should tell this guy that he can stand in front of a giant windmill and suck in his gut all he wants, but he still looks like he's getting fat:

Someone should tell the world that this guy love Bruges. I guess he'll just let his shopping bags do the talking:

Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow.

::: posted by dan at 2:24 PM :: [ link ] :: (14) comments