planetdan

Sunday, January 18, 2009 :::

A Man of Action

I figured since I made my purchase of Tony Horton's 10-Minute Trainer public last week, I might as well provide regular updates of my progress. Mostly because it might actually make me accountable for keeping up with the program. Because even a scant ten minutes of exercise is still something worth dreading on a daily basis. But the expansion of my gut requires drastic action. And yes, I consider ten minutes of daily exercise agonizing enough to be called "drastic".

Just to let you in on a few secrets about Tony's latest he-gets-rich-while-you-get-fit scheme, each workout is indeed ten minutes long. But there is a two minute warm up and a two minute cool down, bringing the hellish daily routine to 14 curse-filled minutes (which is something they don't tell you in the infomercial). They also recommend doing THREE ten-minute routines daily for maximum results (well, duh), but to make this a true study in the effectiveness of ten minute workouts in general, I'm going to limit myself to doing only one, regardless of how inspired I might feel on any given day to keep on sweatin', which let's face it, was a long shot to actually happen anyway.

So as not to bother the uninterested, I'll keep my updates short and breezy, with the following easily identifiable format:

Tony Horton's 10-Minute Trainer Update

DAY ONE

In accordance with the instructions, I recorded my measurements, took my "before" photos (which will forever be vaulted for personal use only), and installed my cardio belt. After only three minutes of today's scheduled Cardio routine, any doubt I had about the effectiveness of a ten minute work out were quickly vanquished when I found myself panting like a dog and cursing that titular bastard. Granted, I haven't barely broken a sweat doing anything for well over a month or two, so my muscles were probably nearly atrophied, but he really is a sadistic bastard nonetheless.

The good news is that he's not anywhere near as annoying as Billy Blanks (with the pointless headset mic and the boundless energy), or as perky as Denise Austin (with her floppy hair and doe-eyed stare), or as lifeless as those Firm girls (yes, I clearly know my workout video icons). But that doesn't mean I actually like the bastard. "Bastard, bastard, bastard," throb my aching thighs.

Why does exercise always have to be so unpleasant? And spare me any motivational BS or hang-in-there platitudes. It sucks and it will always suck, and you know it.

Geesh, all this anger after only ten minutes of physical exertion. I can't wait for the next infinity number of days of this crap.

Weight: 167

(I feel like Bridget Jones all the sudden. That's another reason why Tony is a bastard: he's made me feel like Bridget Jones.)

::: posted by dan at 4:44 PM :: [ link ] :: (3) comments

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3 previous comments:

I hope you stick with it better than I did. I tried one 10 minute workout, thought, "Hey! This could work!" and never did it again.

By

tracey, at 7:24 PM

Hang in there dude!!!

.... I just had to say it.

You know what you need to jump start your weight loss routine? A good old fashion case of the stomach flu.

Hey, worked for me, back down to a buck two.

By

me, at 7:45 PM

Well, if you hate Denise Austin so much, why won't you give me Fat Blaster video back??

C-

By

Anonymous, at 5:03 PM

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