planetdan

Monday, August 31, 2009 :::

Deathchips

Due to circumstances outside of my control, I found myself eating lunch at Subway today. Upon pouring my bag of Lays out onto my unfolded paper sandwich wrap, I noticed a higher density of green potato chips than usual. Just the other day, my friend Stacy told me that green potato chips were poisonous, which I immediately dismissed as being a ridiculous urban myth. If that were indeed the case, how could Big Potato ever justify letting little bites of poison slip into so their bags? Wouldn't there have been a class action lawsuit by now? It didn't seem reasonable. So I ate them all up anyway, as a way of voicing my silent disapproval of outrageous hearsay. They didn't taste good at all, but I felt like I was taking a stand for something I believed in.

But then I got nervous and the self-doubt kicked in (late as usual), and after a visit with my good friends Snopes and Google I found out I was wrong and Stacy was right. Those things are mad deadly.

The chemical processes and specific details attributing to the poisonous nature of these deathchips isn't exactly interesting, and it turns out you'd have to eat over four pounds of the nasty little things to die, but a few sources online stated that even a couple could give you a tummy ache.

So I sit here, belly aching, pondering my death by green Lay. Although my stomach discomfort could just as easily be attributed to my BMT on White. Still, if I don't wake up tomorrow morning, have the forensic investigators raid the Subway near Southtown to find the real culprit. But at least I was able to pass this knowledge along to those that I care about.

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::: posted by dan at 6:36 PM :: [ link ] :: (2) comments

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I survived the evening, so all is well.

By

dan, at 10:16 AM

put if you twitter about the chips episode and the bad bag, both Subway and Lay's might generously compensate you, in cash or food...try it.
Dooce.com did something similar (but on a waaaay bigger level) when her new, expensive washer was on the fritz...just saying, you should at least get your money back from the meal from Subway. Just ask, ye shall receive. Having an upset stomach for something you paid for just sucks! Good luck.

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Anonymous, at 10:23 PM

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