planetdan

Tuesday, December 08, 2009 :::

Super Sinus Friction

A few months ago I took a cab to an event where I knew parking would be an issue. It's kind of rare to take a cab in Minneapolis when you aren't drunk, in my limited experience. But it's better than circling the block for two hours.

The foreign cabbie was was chatty. And absurdly vulgar. He began by insulting all the people on the street and talking about their flaws. They were apparently all former fares, and most of the ladies were once "skinny and hot" but were now fat and "repulsing." A lot of the guys were "up-nosed assholes" or "lowlifers." I started to get nervous about my own behavior, because god knows what how he would describe me to all his future fares if I didn't play it right. So I tried not to act like an "up-nosed asshole," whatever that was. I also vowed not to walk by any cabs if I happened to gain any weight in the future. Those foreign cabbies are apparently a fickle bunch, with superlative memories to boot.

I'll leave out any further expletives, but he continued like so: "You like Sinus Friction?"

His accent wasn't great to begin with, but this was perplexing because I had no idea how to interpret it, and it was especially coincidental that I had been battling with a Neti Pot at the time, which did indeed cause a little Sinus Friction. But I wouldn't say I liked it, and why would he even care?

"What?" I replied.

"Sinus Friction. Sinus Friction! You know, like voodoo and interspace and Vulkings. Sinus Friction!" And then it clicked, "Ohhhh, Science Fiction," I corrected him.

"Yes, Sinus Friction. If you like Sinus Friction, then you go downtown and look at the lights. It's like Super Sinus Friction, man."

"How do you mean?" I questioned.

"Just go downtown to Marquette and 11th and you'll see what I mean. Traffic signs from future. Super Sinus Friction. You see that girl there walking the dog? She used to be hot but now she's super fat, man, hahahahahahahahaha."

It was all very cryptic. I wasn't sure how it was all related, but I memorized the intersection for future reference and eventually exited the cab a few blocks early because he was making me uncomfortable. But for months I kept it in the back of my mind whenever I was driving through downtown, yet I never seemed to make it to that particular intersection.

Then a few days ago I was waiting at a stoplight and I looked up: Marquette and 11th. The Super Sinus Friction intersection. This was it. I looked around in anticipation, expecting some amazing traffic lightshow with lasers or talking robots. This is what I saw:

It's a light-up LED No Left Turn sign. It doesn't even blink. Even if you could attribute it to being in the realm of "Science Fiction" (which would be a major stretch) you certainly couldn't refer to it as being "super" in any way.

Don't ever let that guy write for Star Trek, because his imagination isn't exactly forward-thinking. Someone should get him a Lite Brite for Christmas and blow his mind.

Talk about disappointing. But I guess I shouldn't put so much stock in the crazy ramblings of a foreign cabbie with undiagnosed Tourette Syndrome.

::: posted by dan at 6:28 PM :: [ link ] :: (2) comments

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2 previous comments:

Maybe the circle reminded him of the Superman logo, which is also outlined in red?

I took a hire car in Brooklyn in October and heard enough racial slurs from my foreign driver to last me a lifetime. This includes, "Sometime I dink da' Jews are even worse dan da' Blacks because Jews run this country." Whoa!

By

Tracy, at 8:07 PM

"Someone should get him a Lite Brite for Christmas and blow his mind." - ha ha ha ha ha

By

Natalie, at 4:33 PM

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