planetdan

Thursday, September 10, 2009 :::

Mr. Thick

I visited my neighborhood Wallgreen's Pharmacy yesterday to buy a Neti Pot and to get a prescription filled. I waited in line for 15 minutes while the man in front of me argued with the pharmacist about whether or not he should use the Metamucil that was recommended to him because his "stool was already too hard." He must have used that phrase twenty times during the short wait, to the point where I started to assume that the man might have a related fetish, which made it difficult to stop my brain from picturing things it should never have to picture. So I was already a tad woozy when I left the store and began to pull out of my parking spot.

That's when I bumped into another parked car that was positioned all catawampus across the aisle. It was a very light tap, barely perceptible, not even enough to cause a minor scratch. So I contemplated just pretending like it didn't happen and driving off, but in my rear view mirror I could see the driver stepping out of his car to check the damage. He was not smiling. And he was one of the biggest/scariest-looking gangsters I've ever seen. I gulped down my vomit, waited a beat, and slowly stepped out of the car. That's when I noticed he had a personalized license plate. It said "MR THICK."

"Sorry about that," I offered, stuttering slightly, after making sure that there was indeed no damage to be found.

"Oh man this isn't even my car! This is my babymama's car, and she's inside the store," he replied. No joke - he actually used the word "babymama." I stood momentarily confused, thinking "Your babymama calls herself Mr. Thick?" when he cryptically continued, "She really likes her car, man. You better get the hell out of here before she sees you..."

So with a short nod of acknowledgement and a quick step, that's exactly what I did. And although part of me wanted to stick around to see what a woman who calls herself "Mr. Thick" might look like, the other part of me knew that was not a bright idea.

And for the record, I did not find the whole Neti Pot experience to be very pleasant. Not that I ever thought I would actually enjoy giving my face an enema. But at this point I'll try anything.

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::: posted by dan at 7:42 AM :: [ link ] :: (8) comments

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8 previous comments:

I bet it was really his car, and he was just fucking with you.

By

pinstripebindi, at 6:29 PM

great minds think alike.

thought the neti pot was the answer to all kinds of problems.

By

Anonymous, at 8:21 AM

Daniel, have you checked your underwear today to make sure they are on straight?

By

Anonymous, at 12:14 PM

I checked out the link to the Neti Pot experience and I can't get over the robotic nature of the woman demonstrating it's use. She's practically catatonic. And her movements are SO robotic, it's almost humorous.

trekgeekscott

By

Anonymous, at 4:09 PM

I usually just lurk here but have to tell you to use the neti pot for a week before you give up on it. It is amazing and you will learn to love it.
That was my mom advice for the day. You're welcome!

By

Anonymous, at 9:12 PM

We've tried three neti pots and the one shaped like this was, by far, the best:

http://www.readjulia.com/life/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/neti_pot_purple.jpg

Don't know if it is the angle of the spout or what but my 12-year-old used it with ease her first attempt.

Also, if you are overly stuffed up and you aren't getting the drainage out the other nostril, rinse then blow your nose, rinse and blow until you get flowage.

(That Walgreens SUX, btw. I go there too but only when absolutely necessary. Ish.)

By

Anonymous, at 9:42 PM

My mom called one day and asked for her neti pot back, I told her I didn't borrow your neti pot, that would be nasty, and whoever did borrow it, don't tell me

By

Anonymous, at 3:01 PM

Ha ha. That's gross. No one is borrowing my neti pot.

By

dan, at 3:56 PM

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